The Misogynist

Oh, feminism.  The more I read about you, the more I hate you.  Your selfish, greedy, mewling efforts at being martyrs pollute my brain, making me fear I shall be contaminated with your blatant ignorant hostility.
If we ignore your attempts at being a femi-nazi, we’re part of the problem.  If we ask you about it, we’re part of the problem.  http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_rage/1901296.html#cutid1
Poor guy.  He needs a better friend.  One who won’t viciously gossip about him.
Most feminists, under the blanket of their fellow misandrists, will join the hive vagina and start acting like they’re not dating jerks that undermine their self-worth everyday.  It’s awesome to see the amount of denial and false bravado the internet gives us.

These guys, by and large, are SOCIALLY RETARDED in the literal sense and don’t know how to deal with women TO BEGIN WITH. They already display ALARMING amounts of misogyny while in mobs because it somehow helps them conquer their fears of the sex they feel slights them.

How aptly they describe themselves, yet do not see the hypocrisy.  Except, of course, replace misogyny with misandry, and ta-da!  Feminism!

I am so sick and tired of catering to whore’s neurosis.  OMG, they were so oppressed, they couldn’t vote or own land or shit up until recently…blah blah blah.
First off, women can vote.  Women can drive a car, never marry, marry another woman, raise a kid by themselves, and have a decent job, house and car.  So for god’s sake, quit blaming men who weren’t alive back then, because most of us think its fine that you vote – you know, except when you’re on your period.

Not only that, but we’re not allowed to make certain jokes, not in front of her and certainly not on a public forum.  Because then we’re sexist, then we secretly hate women and want to do our Mothers, or something retarded like that.  We are horrible, horrible people, and the zealot feminists are here to tell us why.
Remember little girls, when anything bad happens, whose fault is it?
The patriarchal society, of course. 

Never, ever try telling a woman something might be her fault.  Oh no.  It’s totally not women’s fault that at times in history, some cultures more than others, they were the subordinates.  It’s not like they had strength in numbers…wait, let me try again.  It’s not like they had easy access to knives or meals…oops.  Let’s see; it’s not like they had any sense of community.
There we go.
The crux of the problem right there.  No sense of community.  It’s not that women have never accomplished anything, because they have.  Molly Pitcher, Abigail Adams, Sojourner Truth, Lucy Stone, all brought women closer to where they thought they should be. 
Yet they didn’t do it by writing letters and gossiping to each other.  Yes, there’s that 45% gossip.  Gossip, of course, being the act (or person who does the act) of revealing personal or sensation acts about others.  Which is what ya’ll do best; though it’s often more aptly called bitching, moaning, nagging, venting, etc.  The forum boards, the email, the three hour long conversation primarily consists of gossiping, instead of doing anything productive.  If women really wanted to get something done, they could.  But it’s safer behind your computer, isn’t it?

Of course, when one brave man kindly redirects feminists’ attention from gossiping to being productive, they get ugly(ier).  http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_rage/487016.html?thread=10092904

That’s right, he’s wrong for pointing out the fact that, as you do so often, women in other countries are getting their clits ripped off with rocks, and here you are…crying…about a board game.

What, is RAPE! the new sensationalist comparison these days?  Have we moved on to a new definition of Godwin’s law? 

Dairy = RAPE.

http://community.livejournal.com/feminist_rage/111904.html?thread=1867552#t1867552

BtVS – Willow erasing Tara’s memory = RAPE.

(found in comments in fandom_wank, because apparently Willow just did it to have sex with her, not to cover up a big mistake.  It was about the sex.  Apparently, Willow is the man in the relationship.)

The Dairy = RAPE! simile is both hilarious and awful.  There were, at least, a few women who understand the inherent offensive nature of this bleated out comment.  It’s rape, of course, because even though there are no statistics proving it is traumatizing for the animal to be bred when in estrus, it’s not what the animal specifically chose. 

“Upon conception, should the animal carry the fetus to term and give birth to it, it is, indeed, carrying out its’ natural, biological, function. And, even if the pregnancy were forced (as is the case in the meat production industry), it would still be carrying out a biological function in giving birth to it. I think we can agree on that. But the ends do not justify the means, my dear, and if during the impregnation process, the animal is infact forced to carry something in its’ body that it had not planned on/counted on/wanted, then there is a mistreatment happening, that moves beyong the “basic biological functions” the animal would have normally carried out (that is, had it not been forcibly impregnated.)”

So what else is RAPE, by these new “feminist” standards?

Boyfriend buying flowers in apology but not meaning it = RAPE.

Not telling said boyfriend you stopped taking birth control = RAPE.

Being set up by a friend = RAPE.

Zoos = RAPITY RAPE RAPE RAPE.

Seriously?  I propose the zealot “feminists” go by my vocab and call themselves frigid whores, so nobody gets them confused with the real feminists, who are more Father Figure whores really.  Why?  Because Father figure whores know how to please a man, which is related to the feminist ideal of “make more effort to make me happy, you patriarchal bastard!”.  See?  It’s equal.

We’ve established that women think men are made up of 30% neglect, 50% parts horndog, 10% (insert hobby) and the rest can be covered by “You selfish bastard!”  This is how the world of so-called feminists sees us. 

Boobs on a billboard?  Men.  The use of gratuitous sex on the telly?  Men.  Raping cows of milk?  Men.  Porn?  Men.  Prostitution?  Men.

But women?  You all are made up of 30% gossip, 55% hypocrisy, and the rest can be covered by whatever whim you’ve taken into your head today.

Hypocrites, you ask?  Oh, let me count the ways…

Lying for a friend; You know damn well you would lie for your whoring little friend, just like we’ve done.  All we wanted to do was get some sleep, not get embroiled in a conversation why your boyfriend is sleeping on our couch.  You know what?  We don’t care.  If he came over smelling of cheap booze, glitter and sex, he can still sleep on our couch, preferably with an old blanket, take a shower in the morning and leave.  We’re not going to call you in the middle of the night and demand you rush over to confront him (unless, of course, we don’t like him much), though we will laugh at him if he does get caught.

Fantasizing; Come ON.  Yes, we notice you gushing over Edward Cullen.  But we don’t get hung up on it, why must you?  You’re never going to date Rob Pattz, and we’re never going to hook up with the girl in the tight skirt crossing the street.

Best Friend Crushes; Don’t pretend you would never.  It’s a stereotype for a reason.  The problem with this is that it’s not just random lusting, because we get that.  Hell, we DO that.  But if you’re doing it after years of friendship and he’s nice, generous and caring, it’s because he’s your FRIEND.  If he were, say, your boyfriend, he’d probably be a douche to you too.  There’s a reason why he’s single, and it’s never his choice, no matter how compelling the argument. 

(Note: this has never happened to me personally, though I *have* kissed my ex’s best friend.  It was totally hot.)

Sharing Classified Information; Okay, we occasionally talk about you to our friends.  No, it’s not always flattering.  But you do it too.  You whine, you complain, you share our sex techniques in explicit detail.  So stop freaking out if you eavesdrop on a conversation you’re not supposed to hear in the first place.  It’s called venting.

Stereotyping the Slut;  Who doesn’t?  “Oh, men, they get called studs but we get called sluts!” is the battlecry I hear most often.  Which is hilarious, because very few women respect Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith, or [insert popular slut].  They roll their eyes, gnash their teeth, and get pissed when we think they’re hot.  They’re not really, but they look confident in their sexiness.  And by the way, you do give us funny looks if our numbers are too high, ladies.  Just like we will you, except we’re not so desperate we’ll take sloppy thirties.

Oh, and if you all don’t think you’re judgmental?  “Worst Dressed, Best Dressed” is a column in almost every single one of your magazines.

Not all of it, mind you, just the whining.

“My kid doesn’t get along with the other kids!”
“My daughter is going out with some idiot!”
“They’re not doing well in school!”
“S/He’s just out of control!”

Shut UP.  No one wants to hear the numerous ways you suck as a parent.  I know, you can’t blame yourself if your kid, say, goes out and kills someone.  But for just about everything else, you can.  Because you have slowly been shaping them to do exactly what they’re doing.  I know, you don’t want to take responsibility; they’re their own people, they’re grown up, blah blah blah…  Well, guess what asshole?  You were there for their formative years, probably all of them.  If you can fault a molester for giving them sex issues later on, you can fault yourself for giving them life issues.
Yes, everyone sympathizes with your brat problem, because a) they have one too, or b) they’re really just humouring you.  But your child is a little bitch because of you.  Learn it, hate it, I don’t care, just get over it.

Hilarity in a blog. 

“I just saw an ad for one-a-day vitamins specific for teens. Sounds great, right? Except that they’re GENDERED vitamins, with, and I quote from their webpage :
# Healthy muscle function with Magnesium (for Him)
# Healthy skin with Vitamins A and C, Copper, and Iron (for Her)
I literally yelled at the TV. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM?! I kinda want to punch someone right now, show them that muscle function matters to women too. ASSHOLES.” 

Yes.  These are your spokesmodels, feminists.  These unbelievably frigid whores hate your vitamins because they advertise differently.  They are segregating you, and denying you those extra 50 grams of Magnesium that the men have.  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that teenage boys will eat less whole grains and vegetables than the giggling majority of dieters, or that one addresses a specific concern more than the other.  Nope, they are oppressing you.I’m sure millions of women are sleeping safe and sound in their bed at night, knowing that their needs are taken care of a lazy twat who’s sitting on her ass right now, typing her outrage away.

Move over, Indira!

Anytime a woman has ever uttered the words “I don’t like women, I get along better with men” that is a RED FLAG.  Run.

Yes, there is a chance you’ve snagged yourself a Father Figure whore, but more likely you’ve got yourself a High Maintenance-whore.  She’s a jealous, insecure bitch who revels in the attention of men.  She has few or no female friends because men don’t want to talk about their feelings, thus not taking out time from her.  They think we find that attractive to us, because she gets along better with us and must be a GREAT girlfriend!  She’s not.  Eventually that thin veneer of laid-back camaraderie will wear off, and she will complain about our cleaning skills and lack of attention just like the rest.  It’s much healthier if she has a few good girlfriends.  So stop falling for it, asshole.

1.  Going Out

            You don’t want to go out to “hang out”.  Your buddy is having a rough time and wants to talk over a beer (mention he needs guy time or she’ll offer up your apartment).  This takes you out of the category of barfly to good friend in a second.  Women eat that shit up.

2.  Compliment Her

            I know, it sounds gay.  But if you want her to do things like dress up nice or cook for you, you have to suck it up, grit your teeth, smile, and tell her how awesome she is for doing it.  These habits used to be nurtured, but no longer.  So adjust, and realize that if you don’t train her, she’ll never change for the better.

3.  Complain About Her

            This may seem contradictory, but it’s not.  You need a balance of both.  It varies for the type of whore you’re dating, but if you accept her and put her on a pedestal, she will look down on you from there and nag you to change.  If you don’t want her to start noticing all of your flaws, you have to keep her busy worrying about her own.

4.  Don’t Talk About Your Ex-Sex

            Unless you’re telling your current girlfriend how much better she is than your ex, shut up.  Girls aren’t very visual by nature, but once you open your big mouth and tell her how good your ex was at head, she will imagine all sorts of things.  She will picture you with your ex; she will imagine you like your ex’s skills more than hers; she will ask if you ever think about anyone else in bed.

5.  You NEVER Say You Think About Someone Else in Bed

            You’d think this was common sense.  You can imagine that ineffectual whore Aniston or her brother-smooching rival Jolie, but do not tell your girlfriend that.  It will kill her concentration in bed and you’ll get exactly what you paid for; shit.

6.  Erase Your Internet History

            How hard is this?  A massive amount of technology-savvy whores have seen the mass amount of porn their boyfriend looks at with this evil tool.  Don’t complain to her about snooping in your privacy, it’s your own fault for dating a woman.  Instead, erase erase erase.  You can never override the picture of you frantically wanking off while hunched over the computer, drooling at naked women other than her.

7.  Never Go Back on a Lie

            Unless, of course, she calls you on it.  Otherwise, there is no constructive fessing up.  “Yes, I slept around while we were on break.  What, it wasn’t cheating!”  NO.  You, my friend, were pining away for her every minute while you two were broken up.  You didn’t know what to do with yourself, and you were lucky that you knew how to get on your pants.

That’s all for now.  And don’t complain about doing the little effort these call for, unless you LIKE talking about your feelings…and then you’re just a homo.

   It’s rare for a woman to downgrade her whoredom.  However, Laurell K. Hamilton manages just that with her horrid Anita Blake series, in which the main character, aptly dubbed Whorenita by detractors, goes from frigid whore to lazy whore.  Once upon a time, she punished all the men in her life because of the rejection laid by a former flame(sound familiar, ladies?).  Several books later, Hamilton decides she’s earned enough money working hard, and that pushing out two crappy books a year is good enough for her (once) loyal fans.
   In that time, Anita goes from ballbusting prude to out-and-out whore.  In the space of two months, or two years, we’re never sure because Anita never ages either, her count is seventeen men and one woman.  In true whore fashion, she has a pregnancy scare, yet in this fantasy, all the men in her life are excited and can’t wait to raise her baby.  Except one, Gary–oops, Richard, who wants her and her loose cootch all to hisself.  He is, of course, villified for smothering her.  In even truer whore fashion she is so excited to find out she’s not pregnant she almost pees herself.
   Hamilton truly wins the prize for making money off of her wish fulfilment fantasies.  She once had the new fans who have only had bad sex (teenage whores) and the old fans who desperately wanted a plot, or at least some good sex (seasoned whores) buying her books, and she felt confident enough to let her Anita show in her infamous “Negative Readers” blog entry.  Once her internet savvy fans saw that, they started to check her books out at the library.
   Nowadays, Anita is an all-powerful lazy whore, with no job, a wuss who does the cooking and cleaning(she calls him her 50’s housewife), a yes-man who compliments her, agrees with her, and swaps clothes with her(epitome of the gay guy every woman wants to lust after her), an ex who can’t seem to move on and regularly begs her to leave her life of whoredom for him(you know THAT’S a fantasy), a vampire who won’t sneeze without her say-so(the tamed bad boy), and many other who gives Anita “spine-bowing” orgasms regularly.  And that, my friends, is the biggest fantasy of all.

Q.  My girlfriend says she’s waiting for marriage to have sex with me.  Is she still a whore?

Yes.  She is a high maintenance whore, with a side possibility of frigid whore.  Most likely you’ve attained the most elusive, misunderstood creature of all; she is sought after for all the wrong reasons when you have no guarantee that you’ll get anything out of a lot of time and energy.  Careful with this one, she seems well trained and old fashioned, but she’s probably also discriminating, and you don’t need that shit.  Get a girl who’s already popped.